tonight.

 it's friday, friday. friday. (remember that rebecca black song, the absolute best). boys are asleep so it's just me, the computer and the mosquito's. liven' large. today was an interesting day. my days usually are, i mean they really are not interesting at all, so i think a lot, and in doing so, i learn things. 

i will tell you what i learned. first of all, we're moving. we have been trying to move to campinas for over two months now because that is where daniel works. we live about and hour and a half away and therefore never see him. this week has been especially bad, i mean leaves at 8 am and doesn't get home till almost midnight bad. poor henry hasn't seen daddy all week. and since yarlies and i get up during the night, we get to see him a little bit but hello, certainly not enough. it's terrible, absolutely terrible. i married daniel because i wanted to spend all day everyday with him, to raise children with him and kiss him all the time..and none of that is happening! we are all packed up and suppose to move tomorrow. then tonight i got a call and said it is delayed again, and we can't move in until monday ( we are been doing this since december 1st!).

secondly i feel like i am a terrible mother. i shouldn't even admit this, but we have had mcdonalds for dinner two days in a row. the.worst. mcdonalds in brazil does seem a little better than in the usa, but you guys, it's still mcd's. i never cook anymore, i suppose i have had one too many sightings of 'roaches in the kitchen. i lose every bit of my appetite. then today i wanted to go play in the sprinklers (hose, actually) with henry and then i stepped on a giant brown hornet and my foot swelled up like a ballon and i was out for the afternoon. henry was sad. since i couldn't walk, we watched way too many curious george episodes. 

yarlies, well he is the best baby in the world. i went to put henry to bed and left him on the coach (for maybe 30 seconds) in which he of course figured out how to roll off onto the hardest tile floor in the world and got the biggest goose egg in world. 

i felt terrible. 

so we went for a walk. as i was walking the talk from elder holland popped into my mind. he talks about our savior and how he walked alone along the path to calvary. he says, "trumpeted from the summit of calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are." and that thought brought me peace. i could literally feel the love of my savior surround me. i knew that i wasn't alone. he gave me my daily bread, that was all i needed. god is so good, you guys. he knows what we need even we don't ask for it. 

 then tonight i had such a sweet moment with henry. it was bedtime and we had showered and said prayers and it was time for scriptures. he laid in his crib and listened. as i was reading the book of mormon to him, the spirit filled the room. he was quiet while i read. as we read it was so clear to me that i have a divine purpose in what i am doing each and everyday. it may seem mundane or boring or hard or lonely somedays, but raising two little boys is the work of god. it really is.  peace filled my heart and love poured from every fiber of my being for my little henry. he has a great work to do in this world. and i get to teach him that. as my eyes filled with tears, his big brown eyes looked into mine. i saw purity and strength and so much love. overwhelming gratitude came over me, i am so grateful to be a mother. i am so grateful that i can spend all day everyday with two of the the cutest dudes around. they are perfect and i know i will miss these days tremendously when they slip away. because they will, they will grow up. so tonight and tomorrow and every other day ahead i am going to cherish these days when we spend all day everyday just us three. what a beautiful blessing i have been given. motherhood. i love it. 

these pictures are from our trip to utah. kaori took them. thanks k bear.

my favorite little face.  

xxx