a whole lot going on.

today henry and i stayed in our cute, empty 304 apt until 6:40 pm. didn't leave the house once.

bam.

we move outta here tomorrow and that meant deep cleaning had to be done. it was a strange day, there are so many emotions going on over here. i haven't felt like this since i left home for college. a long, long, time ago. that rip your heart out kinda feeling the one that feels like a big change is about to take place. and not just any change, a new phase of life change, the kind of change that requires you to let something go in order to achieve the next step in your life. these are the hardest kinds i think.

last night as i tried to fall asleep, the tears started again, it's almost a nightly thing now, no big deal.  so i started to say a prayer, a little plea almost to help me find comfort, to help me find joy in this crazy little journey of ours but most of all to find purpose in what i am doing. purpose in motherhood and wifehood because yesterday felt like i was a diaper changin, counter washin and floor sweepin machine. those are never fun days. so today, as henry and i cleaned and cleaned and cleaned to pandora children's disney channel blasting , i was overwhelmed with gratitude for every part of my little life right now.

i am a mother.

i am a wife.

and i am honored to have those titles. i am honored that the lord would trust me with his purest, happiest, most beautiful, strong spirits to watch grow and to teach and to love. daniel is too good to me. really. henry is so beautiful, he tiny body doesn't reflect the mature and kind spirit of his. i felt like we were so connected when i was pregnant with him, and i feel blessed beyond words that i get to spend everyday with him to try and teach him the things he needs to know and to learn from him how to love and smile and find good in everyone around. and now i have little prince kicking in my tummy these days and i just can't wait for his precious soul to grace our walls. there really isn't anything i can compare the love that i have for my children (i can say that now, i've got two!!) to, being a mother is a piece of heaven i think.

so if motherhood and wifehood means that i am packin up and moving to another country, where i can support my husband as he tries to support this family of ours, if it means probably a lot of days talking baby talk with my two boys because i don't know that language to talk to anyone else, then so be it.

we are ready.

sorta.

tonight my parents took us to all you can eat (and i ate all i could eat!) crabbbb. yes, crab. it was so good. the only bad part is that my dad had the look on his face. the look that one of his little babies is leaving him. i have seen it before. too many times. every time i left to go back to school, every time a brother would leave on a mission it was this look. it's the rip your heart out look. yikes. henry watched grandma stand up to go get some crab and he cried and cried because he has to be by her side every second we are with them. he adores his grandparents. he always clings sooo tight when he thinks we might be leaving for the night, won't even look at daniel or i because he is too afraid we will take him away from grandma and grandpa.

that will be the heardest goodbye i am sure of it.

well, good. i feel better now that i wrote all that. so enjoy a couple photos from our afternoon. henry organized the almonds while i cleaned. he was so busy today, so many things to organize. 

 he is perfect, huh?

milestone.

today we celebrate and we cry in the neeleman home. henry went to his first full day of nursery at church. in our ward they can go when they are 15 months old, so he was totally legal. i went to check on him after the first hour (it't a 2 hour ordeal) and he was so busy playing with all the toys he could barely squeeze in a hi. i think i missed him a lot more then he missed me. when i went to pick him up they were singing once there was a snowman and henry was tearin' that dance floor up!

....he gets it from me.... i was so proud. well dad does have some moves too, he gets it from both of us i guess.

then i caught this picture of him as he was running into our house after, where did tiny, little henry go?

the lasts before the firsts

and so it begins, the goodbyes have started. believe or not but i haven't let september creep up on me until this week. now all of the sudden september it's two seconds away and we are moving to brazil. now im freaking out. yep, right now. last night i cried for awhile, long enough to make some serious mascara damage on my pillowcase, i had to wash it today. yikes! my mascara is waterproof so that is saying something. 

im am so scared and so nervous and so sad and also very excited about what is about to happen. brazil seems further and further away the closer september 4th comes and yet i know that i will still have my tiny, perfect family right beside me so all will be well. last weekend we went up to grandma and pa neeleman's cabin for the last time before we head out. then it started to hit me, that the "lasts" are coming. (am i being too, dramatic?). i can't even think about henry saying goodbye to my parents, he is obsessed with them and it makes me cry to even think about...so i am going to stop. can't go there yet. 

....do do do....

i emailed some people today about delivering my baby when we get there, and soon found out that i most likely won't have someone that speaks english, so i have been picturing daniel standing by my side the whole time, translating. it will bring a fun twist to the delivery, right? 

...sigh....

im so scared. 

im getting really huge and pregnant.

henry is sick again with a fever. 

i have 1 shirt that fits me right now.

i need a hair trim. 

and worst of all, because of daniel, i have had "girl on fire" stuck in my head for the past 4 days. 

love to all. here are some pics from the cabin. 

 

wish me luck!

big boy, henry.

 so you know how henry keeps getting sick every 3 weeks? well we went to a specialist for him last friday to try and figure everything out. they said he might have strep or food allergies or a few other things that i had never heard of. yesterday we heard back from the doctor and she said he was strep b positive and then we had his blood taken so they can do more testing.

that wasn't fun for daniel and i, probably worse for us then for henry. he was such a champ, and he got a rubber ducky after from the nurse, and he loves it!

anyways, the doctor also said that the first thing we needed to do for him is get rid of his binki. ha! but i will have you know, its been 3 whole days completely binki free! but it's a new phase that mom over here is getting all sentimental about. my henry boy is so big now that he doesn't even use his binki anymore.

time is flying by, my little man. i sure am glad you're mine.

playing peek a boo.

"roll it, roll it!" his new trick.

then he gets sleepy.

xoxo

he's home!

 has it been two years already, ha! yes! i would say that two years has flown by, but really it hasn't. ok, it has a little (motherhood and marriage-hood is amazing and i cannot believe that its been two years already) but it sure took forever for this little dude to come home. hong kong was pretty lucky to have elder wright grace their land for 24 months. he is amazing. and really funny and super spiritual. sheesh.

on friday night we all took the train to the airport to pick him up. you can imagine the anticipation when all nine kids were waiting to see levi, not to mention the 26 grandkids that adore uncle levi  and the 4 new nieces and nephews that were born while he was gone, we were all just so super excited. as soon as we saw his little shoes step onto the escalator to come down out of security, we all started chanting "levi, levi, levi...!" ah! i of course totally lost it and bawled like a baby the whole time, but boy was it a joyous reunion.

on sunday he gave his homecoming address in our church and it was so beautiful. he is so humble and so in tune with what really matters. he has changed a lot in the last two years, he has really been an instrument in the Lord's hands and you could feel that as he spoke.

i am pretty proud to call him my brother. welcome home my little levi!

on our way to the airport.

 henry's fake smile. i die.

 one excited dad.

 and this is the whole fam on sunday. i would say we have done well with child bearing around here.

baby bump at 6 months.

 he is getting cute, huh? and he is a wiggly little worm. i hate to say it, but i kinda love being pregnant.

update // up-to-dates // two more days

well, here we are. at the zion ponderosa. (well we are back now), but what a treat! daniel raves about his childhood days at their ranch all the time. catching lizards, stargazing with his siblings, dutch over dinners, the orderville hike, fourwheeling, making tree-forts, chasing horned toads etc, etc,. neither of us could believe that it took two years before i saw it all, but saturday we made our way down to experience the magic.

the bad news...

henry got sick the day before we went down. really sick. this is his fourth time getting this in the last 3 months. it has been horrible. he gets a terrible fever for about 3/4 days and won't eat a single thing. then he gets a stiff neck. this time was so bad, he couldn't move it at all. it was so sad. we took him to our doc last time and he said it was a tonsil virus.

.sigh.

but it keeps happening, and henry nor daniel nor i can handle it again, so we are taking him to another lady who deals with baby tonsil removal on friday. so we will see. wish us luck, or prayers are better, don't wish them, just say them... yep, say a little prayer for henry, ok?

anyways (!!), the morning we were leaving to come home henry started to act like henry again. and today he was happy, healthy, perfect little h boy. thank goodness! so our time at the ranch was fun, but hard. herny and i cuddled in our bed a lot of the time. he spent almost every second either in mine or daniel's arms. but we did have fun, we were together with the neeleman clan and it felt good to be with family. it was also amazing to see all the places daddy has talked about and for him to show henry.

and the sunsets! sheesh! they were kind of amazing.

 then on the way home we got stopped by the tour of utah bike race. sooo, we we climbed through the barb-wire fences and played in the creek that ran along the road. it was a blast. this is daniel waving at the bikers. they loved us. oh, and baby boy #2 is making quite the appearance lately, huh?! he is a wiggler, too. i love it.

AND biggest news of all, levi comes home from his mission on....eh-ham..... FRIDAY! im freaking out. he hasn't met herny, they are going to be besties. i can't wait.

over and out.

xxx