an angel and a garden.

yesterday daniel took the afternoon off work and we went for a drive. i may or may not have had a major meltdown yesterday during lunch and told daniel i was running away. it was quite the meltdown. man! so he loaded up everyone in the car and we set out to press the reset button. we drove and we drove. we talked and cried and daniel held my hand tight. charles slept and henry watched the trucks on the freeway. everything really is ok and time with daniel to talk was what i needed.

sometimes when daniel's schedule gets busy and i am left to handle momhood on my own, in a place where i still can't communicate with people, gets incredibly overwhelming. so we drove for awhile.  and then (!!) found this be-a-u-tiful garden that had a sign that said "fresh greens". so, well, we stopped.
daniel told the gardener there that we wanted some salad. we stood and watched while he walked around and picked our salad greens for us. it was incredible. as we were paying him five reais for two huge bags of green goods (i mean, really?!) daniel started to tell the man something about our dream someday to have a garden like that, and chickens and a farm and yada yada yada...

so the man said why don't you guys take a walk in my back yard. and so we did.

and it was just us. walking in these huge fields, with the sunset and berries and rivers and a whole lot of just being still. there were lots of bugs and dirt and taking it reaal slow. and now as i am writing this i am thinking, wow, that man, garden, space, nature and everything about it really was a miracle. i think he was my angel.

so i am here to say, when you think that life is getting way bigger than you are and you are just about to throw in the towel...

god sends us angels.

xx